Week 7 - Response to Celita

I thought N.O.M.A.S. has some nobel ideals. The thing I find interesting is that say that want to redefine what in means to be masculine. When you do a google search they come up with the header saying "Pro-feminist, gay affirmative." Thinking back to the project we did I was thinking is this something that most men would see and say "I want to find out more about this?"

week 7 - Career mistakes that women make

Had an interesting conversation with two female co-workers. They both attended a lunch and learn session on the 10 mistakes women make in business. How perfect is that, I would have attended if I knew beforehand I told them. They were somewhat shocked, they said "Tom there were only women in the room." I let that one go. I told them about my class and blogging and asked them if the could tell me about what was discussed.
We started to talk about some of the items that were identified. As we were going through them they seemed fairly universal to me. I asked them if they thought that the issues identified were specific to women or just good practices in general. They replied that they felt they were not specific to women.
I asked them if they could identify a few mistakes they think women make. Their response was inappropriate attire. I asked if it was dressing provocatively , they said that too. They said it is the little things too, like the shoes you wear. You would amost never see a man wear flip flops to work in a business environment during the summer but many women do, or wear sandals that aren't more than flip flops.
That was about all the time we had to talk before we had to get back to what we get paid to do. But it was an interesting conversation. All of the points made during the presentation applied to both men and women. What are the real mistakes only women make?

Reply to Jason - Week 6

Jason, I think you are making some huge generalizations in this post. Most of the parents I know are very involved in their children's lives. I am very involved in my children's lives. "Many parents both work leaving the child to be raised by 50 cent and Paris Hilton." Are you trying to imply that if both parents work they are uninvolved in raising their children or have made a selfish choice? My wife and I both work. Before we had children we discussed our goals, that our children would have more opportunities than we did. We moved to get into a better school district before we had kids. We opened 529s for the kids (we both paid our own way through school and know what a struggle that was). If you have young children you know that they have to have some type of socialization before they get to kindergarten. My sister is a stay at home mom and her sons go to daycare 2 days a week so they can be socialized. I think you have made a very bad assumption that parents don't think their roles as mothers and fathers are the most important aspects of their lives. If you are not willing to make it the most important role than you should not have children in the first place. There were conversations last week about people having children later in life. This is why they do. When you are ready to commit yourself to raising children that is when you have them. I agree some parents are uninvolved, but you have taken your view of the minority and extended it to the majority with the generalizations you have made here.

Reply to Charlene - Week 6

I think there are certain genres of music that very disrespectful to women and people in general. First and second graders certainly do not have the maturity to distinguish between reality and what is usually glorified life experiences or fantasies. I would guess that these first and second graders probably have older siblings that are exposing these children to this music. i think that their parents need to monitor what their children a seeing and hearing on television and in music. If they are going to allow their children to be exposed to this they also need to help the child understand the difference between reality and fantasy to minimize negative influence.

Reply to Ashleigh - Week 6

Absolutely guys with sisters treat women better. At least in my observations. I have one friend who has 5 brothers and 1 sister. He does not fit the mold probably because the female is so outnumbered. But when it is even I think it makes a big difference. I think the more you practice anything the better you get, so having the opportunity to interact with female siblings while growing up is definitely beneficial to males.

Hannah Montana Episode - Wk 6

watching Hannah Montana (with my daughters - LOL such a masciline disclaimer) Hannah's father asks her friends mother to dinner, the friends mother responds "it's a date." They go on their date (not shown). when they get back it is clear they had an aurgument. It is later revealed that the aurgument was because the friend's mother insisted on picking up half the check. Both insisted their opinion of how to pay was right. The father is called a caveman the mother is called uptight. It is never resolved during the show because the plot was focused the conflict between the daughters.

I was hoping for some kind of resolution during the show. The question is, was it really a date in the sense that is there a romatic interest? There are so many different ways this could be construed. If a woman allows a man to pay although she has no romantic interest is she sending the wrong signals? If a women asks a man on a date should she pay? What is the etiquette for a "man date" ? (Wood p216).

I suspect opinions will vary widely.

response to Dorit - week 5

Dorit,I think the fact that many women having children later in life has a lot to with people getting married later in life. My parents were 21 and 18 when they married. It was a failry common age to get married back in their days. I hear a lot of youger couples also saying they don't want to have children until they have a house. So therefore the economy also has an impact on the age that women choose to have goals. I think most people know whether they want children or not at an early age. I think people set criteria for when they will have children which takes longer to achieve now than it may have many years ago.

response to Alex - week 5

Alex,I have noticed that we are seeing more and more incidents of females fighting. I like all of the statistics you have also, they really provide a good foundation for discussion. I think the media also puts more attention on the female fights also. It is out of normal expectations that many people have that boys are the ones that typically fight. Some of the biggest rivalries I remember from high school were some of the fights females had. They were just as violent as the ones that the males had. The drew a bit more attention as well. My opinion initially would have been that it just gets more attention now from the media. But clearly your post indicates that it is on the rise. Good job.

week 5 - Bad Example

With the US Open this week there is a lot of focus on golf in the United States. One senior director of the USGA said the great thing about golf is that with the handicapping system and two golfers can compete against each on a equal basis.
I play in a golf league that uses handicaps. The league is made up of 14 two player teams. Each player has an established average which he or she plays against. In a match the lower average person from each team play each other and the two players with the higher averages play each other (remember in golf the lower you score the better). the winner is determined by who did better against their average.
My partner (male) and I played a womens team this week. What bothered me is on the second hole my opponent approached me and asked if I would let her win this week. This is an experience that I have never had with a man in all my years of playing. I found it odd that she would even ask me that question. As we got to the fourth tee, my partner and I were on the men's tee away from the ladies and he asked me if we should let them win. He was approach by his opponent and asked the same question. So obviously it was a strategy the ladies had. After a brief discussion we agreed that we would not let them win.
My partner and I won the match ( I shot a 45, even with my average, my opponent shot a 64, 3 shots above her average). So even though I shot 19 strokes better than her I only won by 3 strokes. If she had shot a 60, 1 stroke better than her average, she would have won.
There was a bit of razzing afterward that we beat two women. That's the beauty of the game though, we were able to compete on an equal basis because we were playing against our averages.
I thought it was unfair for the women to use the femininity to minimize our victory. I thought it was unfair of the women to ask us to throw the match. When woman portray themselves as the weaker sex to try and influence men would you agree that it is anti feminist?

Response to Tiffany week 4

I think being friends with an ex is a mistake. Perhaps many people make the mistake of saying we can stiill be friends because they think it will soften the blow. If somehow you do remain friends with an ex, it complicates future relationships. It is not the norm. If I was dating a girl and she introduced me to her friends Bob and Mike, then mentions that she used to date Bob for a while, I would be concerned about Bob. I think women would react the same way when the situation is reversed.

Response to John's Blog - Wk 4

John,I think that many people make judgements too quickly in general on things that are obvious such as age, race, class and gender. I think that people make snap judgements on things that are not so obvious as well. For a long time I struggled with jumping to conclusions about certain people because of more subtle traits based on my experiences with similar individuals. An example, if a man wore an abstract tie or had a beard I assumed that we probably were not going to get along. You generally don't see men who mix ties, i.e. abstract one day symmetrical the next, so I take that as a message about their personality. I only wear ties that have symmetrical patterns and I have no facial hair, therefore I sensed that they were wired differently than me. Past experiences with men in abstract ties with beards have not been good. I still struggle with this stereotype from time to time. I have had some good expereriences recently dealing with men who fit this description so that has helped. I have tried to suppress my pre-concieved notions and reserve judgement, when that didn't work I tried to be "bilingual". I am sure some others have some similiar prejudices that are obscure like mine

Week 4 Post - The tennis bracelet debate

Many years ago the group of friends I hung out with was a mix of males and females. We went out did stuff together all strictly plutonic. One of the most memorable traditions was watching Friends on Thursday nights at my apartment. The women would cook dinner and me and my roommate would provide snacks and alcohol.
During this time I started dating a woman that lived 70 miles away. My friends knew about her but had never met her in person. By the time her birthday came around we had been dating for 7 weeks. I bought her a diamond and ruby tennis bracelet as a gift.
On the Thursday night before her birthday my friends asked what I bought her for her birthday. I got very gender biased reactions. The guys reaction mostly was very generic such as “cool”, “nice” and “how much did that set you back?” The women reacted much differently. “We need to talk”, “We need to meet this woman” was the general reaction. Their collective feeling was that a woman would view a gift like this as a message that this is a serious relationship. It was not my intent to send a message and I didn’t think that the gift would send a message, I just wanted to get her something nice.
There was much debate over the next two day between the men and women. The men generally felt that there was no message being sent, it’s just a nice gift. The women urged me to reconsider. Although I appreciated the women’s perspective I ultimately gave her the tennis bracelet.
I viewed the reaction of the women as being stereotypical by assuming that a woman would look for a deeper meaning whether one existed or not. I viewed the men’s reaction as stereotypical also by strictly looking at things for their face value. Neither the men nor the women questioned me on the seriousness of the relationship.
I am curious to hear how members of the class would have reacted if they had a friend in a similar situation. What advice, if any, would you have given your friend?